Saturday, August 25, 2012

Maybe today

I have had a couple of days of feeling quite down - frustrated and angry about things being "the same"... I have not like being confined to these 'four walls' because of our financial and car situation right now. I am longing for beauty and freedom - the ocean walks and sea breezes in early mornings and late evenings...

I guess I have been grieving the loss of what was and fighting against embracing what is.

The loss, I cannot alter but what is now...can I change it?

My husband spoke to me about hope and I felt that I had lost it. Hope: the idea that things can and will change; the promise or expectation that "maybe today" God will change my circumstances. Maybe today God will provide for our needs. Maybe today God will answer and my family will be saved. Maybe today...

I need to fight against the pessimism that says, "probably not today"... I want to trust God, believe him for answers to prayer. I want to live in hope - in expectation - in anticipation of what just might be... I am sick of living with a mindset that is almost resolved to believe and see the bad, the unchanging...

Just now, God is speaking, reminding me that he doesn't change but he does change things, circumstances, people. Isaiah 59.1 says, "Listen! The Lord's arm is not too weak to save you, nor is his ear too deaf to hear you call."

In Isaiah 43.19, God says, "I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?..."

God does want to answer my prayers and he hears my cries... He also tells me that he wants to change me - in my circumstances - so that I can stand firm, have hope, find joy - no matter where I find myself.

So, I choose hope. I choose to trust God. I believe that maybe today...I will be different.

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